Feedback That Fuels Growth (Not Fear)

How to turn feedback from a performance conversation into a trust-building practice

Why Feedback Fails

Most leaders know feedback matters, but few realize how much it costs when it’s done poorly. In one Gallup study, only 26% of employees strongly agree that the feedback they receive helps them do better work. Yet employees who receive meaningful feedback are 3.5x more likely to be engaged. The problem isn’t that people are too sensitive, it’s that most feedback conversations are too reactive, too vague, or too judgmental.

Leaders often say “I’m just being honest,” but honesty without empathy isn’t clarity, it’s carelessness. The goal of feedback isn’t to unload. It’s to unlock.

The Real Purpose of Feedback

Feedback isn’t about correction; it’s about connection. When done well, it strengthens alignment, trust, and motivation. When done poorly, it triggers fear, resistance, and disengagement.

Amy Edmondson’s research at Harvard shows that psychological safety (the belief that it’s safe to take interpersonal risks) is the #

1 predictor of team performance. And feedback is where that belief is tested most.

When people don’t feel safe, they hear feedback as threat. When they do, they hear it as opportunity.

Two Tools That Shift the Tone

1. SBI + Curiosity

A proven framework that keeps feedback factual and forward-looking: Situation – Behavior – Impact – Curiosity. 1️⃣ Situation: “In yesterday’s meeting…” 2️⃣ Behavior: “…you interrupted John several times.” 3️⃣ Impact: “…it made it hard for him to share his full update.” 4️⃣ Curiosity: “What was happening for you in that moment?”

That last question changes everything. It opens dialogue instead of defense.

2. Feedforward

Coined by leadership coach Marshall Goldsmith, Feedforward replaces “what you did wrong” with “what you could try next.”It focuses attention on future behavior - where growth actually happens.

Example: Instead of, “You need to communicate better, ”try, “Next time, consider summarizing your key points at the end so your message lands even more clearly.”

This small shift increases implementation and reduces shame.

The Ripple Effect

Teams that receive regular, constructive feedback experience:

• 14.9% lower turnover (Gallup)

• 12% higher productivity (SHRM)

• 31% improvement in performance when feedback is strengths-based (Zenger/Folkman)

When feedback becomes a learning loop instead of a judgment moment, the culture transforms. Employees start giving feedback to each other - not just up or down - and that’s when accountability meets safety.

The Core Lesson

Feedback isn’t a performance management tool. It’s a relationship management skill. It’s how leaders turn tension into trust and information into improvement.

Before your next feedback conversation, pause and ask yourself:👉 “Am I trying to prove a point or create a shift?”👉 “Am I speaking from frustration or from clarity?”

One builds walls. The other builds growth. Stay Connected

If this resonates with you, I’d love for you to:

• Follow me on Instagram or LinkedIn  for daily insights and tools.

• Explore my other life coaching and leadership coaching programs at coachrainy.com.

Further Reading & Sources

• Gallup Workplace Study (2023): “Feedback that Fuels Engagement”

• Amy Edmondson, The Fearless Organization

• Zenger & Folkman (2019): “Why Feedback Fails, and What to Do Instead”

• Marshall Goldsmith: “Feedforward Coaching Model”